Should I contact my ex? Rules of how and when to reach out to him

Figuring out how to talk to an ex again after a breakup can be tricky. You might be having an insatiable need to text your ex or call him during this breakup and the no-contact process. There will be days when it takes every ounce of strength not to click send on a draft message you have written up hundreds of times, but there are rules you should follow on contacting your ex.

If you think back to the beginning of your relationship when you first started dating, you will notice that you treated your ex casually. You were fun, relaxed, self-sufficient, and in control of your emotions. Your world didn't revolve around him, which gave you the power that pulled him in.

At this point, you need to treat him like a friend again to pique his interest. Make him feel that you care about him but are no longer romantically invested in him. You are no longer together, so he doesn't have the reassurance that you are there for him anymore. That is what will make him want to pursue you again. 

Following my blueprint will drastically increase your chance of making him realize what he's lost.  

1: Master the Art of Timing

As much as you might want your ex back, you can't push him into wanting you again too soon. Rushing could cause you to make irreversible mistakes. If you are patient and follow the correct strategies, you will have a good chance of salvaging your relationship.

A Girl with Game is never in a hurry for anything because she understands that rushing things will ultimately cause her to lose self-control and betray herself. Regardless of what she feels and how much she wants to talk to her ex, she is patient. She analyses the situation and waits for the right time to make her move. She doesn't react; instead, she retracts. She pulls back and thinks strategically before she reaches out.

Checklist

• Wait 60 days before initiating any form of contact

• Only respond to his third attempt to be in contact with you

• Wait 90 days before any face to face meeting

2: Give him the Illusion of Freedom

In the initial stages of a breakup; it's always wise to give your ex the illusion of freedom. As you watch how he operates, it allows you to plan and prepare.  

If you try to get the upper hand forcefully by guilting him, demanding, criticizing, and showing emotion, you lose your leverage and your appeal.

A Girl with Game's approach is elegant and practical becasue she respects herself and his decision, and she "moves on." She carries herself in a way that affirms she isn't desperate, and if he doesn't want her, that's okay; another man will.

She won't try to convince him to be with her; instead, she lets him do what he needs to do, and she does what she needs to do.

The more freedom you allow him in the initial stages of the breakup, the more powerful your moves will be in the long run.

This doesn't mean you have to agree and be "cool" with his actions, but you shouldn't react to them; your job is to stay silent. He's single, and you can't control what he does right now. 

Checklist

• Don't react if he goes out and posts pictures with friends or women in the background

• Don't try to guilt him

• Don't make any demands or give him ultimatums 

3: Make him Work for it

In order to have a successful reconciliation, he has to work for it, so that means that ideally, you would want him to contact you first.

If you are the one doing the pursuing, he will second guess himself. He will think, "Do I want to talk to her, or am I just being courteous and responding," Am I intrigued by her again, or am I feeling obligated to reply.?"

You don't want him to have any doubt when contacting you. You want him to have an insatiable need to speak to you, not just respond out of curiosity or boredom.

The key to getting your ex back is behaving like you don't want him back. He has to feel as though he has lost you. If you reach out to him or answer his text straight away, he will assume that he could get you back with a click of his fingers.

You see, you are no longer his, and you want him to feel like he has no guarantee that you still want to be with him, which causes him to become emotionally involved again. Your actions tell him that you could be gone for good; that's when he'll understand the importance of securing a relationship with you again.

Checklist

• If he calls, let the call go straight to voicemail

• If he texts you, ignore it at first

• Become unpredictable and focus on self-control

4: Business, not Pleasure

When you do finally answer his call, or respond to his text, do so in a cool, calm, and collected manner.

Checklist

• Wait at least 2 hours to respond to his second or third attempt at contacting you

• Use his name

• Keep first text to one line or sentence

5: Do Not Talk About the Relationship

There is no benefit in mentioning the breakup, your relationship, or the future during a phone call or text. Keep the conversation light and short, no longer than a few minutes. If your ex wants to discuss the relationship, then he should ask to meet up with you. You are a high-value woman, you are a Girl with Game, and he will have to work a lot harder than just a phone call to get you back.

Checklist

• Keep the call or text conversation no longer than 10 minutes

• Avoid talking bout the relationship and listen more than you speak

• Sound content and balanced - don't show any emotion. Be a blank page

6: Make Sure you End the Call First

"Tom, do you think we could talk another time, I have plans to meet a friend tonight, and I need to paint my nails."

He thinks: "Who is this friend and her nails are more important than talking to me?" End the call by repeating his name. "Thanks, Tom. Have a good night." You hang the phone up!

He is left feeling confused, angry, frustrated, and suddenly wanting you and wanting you BAD! Using a trivial reason like painting your nails portrays that you are not as into him as he expected. Suddenly you become exciting again and a challenge he must conquer. You have just turned the tables on him. Now he is feeling exactly how you have been feeling all along.

Checklist

Other examples you can use are:

• - I am receiving another call

• - I am in the middle of something

• - I am at drinks with a friend

• - I am on my way to the gym

• - I need to cook dinner

• - My favorite TV show is starting

7: Wait

Patience probably is not your strong point at the moment. All you want is to make him realize what he has lost, but it's essential to wait for him to contact you again. He will because he won't be able to hold out as long as he did before. The previous conversation will be playing on his mind CONSTANTLY!

You can answer when he calls again, this time but say, "Sorry, I'm in the shower. Can I call you back in 10 min?"

Similarly, you are snubbing him to engage in mundane things. You are also in the shower, which automatically reminds him of what he is missing.

Checklist

• After 10 minutes, you don't call back - Make him wait for your call

• If he doesn't call you within the next couple of hours, give him a callback.

• Keep it friend-like, all business, and no emotion.

You shouldn't assume that he wants to get back together because he contacted you a few times. He might be feeling lonely or curious about what you have been up to. Secondly, you want him to want to see you.

Remember - If you initiate contact, he will be confused. He won't be sure if this is something he wants to do or if he only agreed to see you in order to be polite.  

If you must remind him who you are and pursue him, you will have to keep chasing him. Then you will be back to square one: Dumped or heartbroken!

Leandra

Check out our coaching packages and prices HERE